Honest communication can be tough to come by
Last week I posted about the importance of letting new ideas bubble up, instead of trickle down. About how it’s important to listen to your customers (or attendees, or in my case, hopefully readers) if you want to make positive change happen. Then I remembered something that happened at an industry event earlier this year, something that’s happened a bunch of times before and since, and am reminded of why this doesn’t always work.
This guy comes up to me at a reception. It’s someone I interview pretty frequently, and I very much respect his opinions. He says lots of nice things about Medical Meetings, and my work. Then he lowered his voice and steered me into a quiet corner. “I hate to say this, but there’s something you should be considering,” he said, sotto voce. And gave me a few points about things he thinks we could be doing better, apologizing all the while. Despite my effusive thanks, he kept on apologizing. It happened to me again a week or so ago. I was interviewing someone on the phone, and he said something like, “I really appreciate that you try to get it right, and most often do.” So of course, I dig in like a terrier after a mole: What are we getting wrong? But he wouldn’t answer me because he doesn’t want to hurt my feelings. When I finally dragged it out of him, it turned out to be something that’s a matter of perspective, his being that of someone who’s been in the industry for decades, disaproving of the opinion we published of someone who is newer to the industry. I happen to disagree that we “get it wrong” when we include information from the latter as well as the former, but that’s neither here nor there. We need to know that there’s a disconnect between the experience levels, and work harder to show ways they can learn from each other, rather than just putting the perspectives out there.
But the real point of this ramble is that our “customers” don’t want to hurt our feelings by pointing out what they really want from us. I appreciate people wanting to be nice and all, but how can I improve if you don’t let me know my flaws?
I can’t speak for anyone else, but I’d rather you be honest than nice. If something I’m doing stinks, I want to know it. Even if it just smells a day or two past the sell-date, I want to know it. You don’t have to be mean about it, but I sure would appreciate your honesty because without it, I’m flying blind. Of course, I love to hear the good stuff, but bad is OK too.
Wouldn’t you want to know if people really disagreed with your choice of keynoter, or F&B, or whatever, rather than having them gush about how wonderful everything was, then not come back to next year’s meeting? I know I would.
Which is probably why the second point I made in the previous post is a more important one—walking in your customers’ shoes to find out what causes the blisters, as well as what helps your ankles look thin—because, unless you’re very lucky, they may not be able to bring themselves to tell you. They’ll just buy their shoes elsewhere.
Related Topics: Business stuff, In my opinion
September 30th, 2005 at 9:53 am
I think one reason we don’t hear the truth from people is that they have had too many experiences of TRYING to tell people the truth, and having it brushed off or rationalized away. Have you ever had people ask you for feedback on what to do differently, and then you give it, and then they immediately explain why it’s better the way it is? They didn’t really want the feedback, but “best practices” told them they were supposed to ask for it. Sometimes it’s hard to distinguish these people from the people like you, Sue, who do actually want the feedback. So I end up saying nothing.
September 30th, 2005 at 10:49 am
Good points, Jamie. I’ve had my share of banging my head against the wall with people who do just what you say, and it is really frustrating.
And I wonder if I didn’t do just that with the guy on the phone. I guess I’d have to say that just because I want to hear both negative and positive opinions doesn’t mean that I’ll agree with them. It does mean that I’ll listen, and take them seriously, and think of things I can do to honor that opinion in practice without compromising my own view, if it’s different. But usually, there’s a kernal in even the most bizarre opinion that should be addressed, or at least thought long and hard about. No one learns without being challenged, and I’m really into learning.
It’s a dance, for sure, but it’s also a much more interesting one when I have a partner or two to dance with.
October 20th, 2005 at 1:38 pm
Hi Sue, I was just googling Honest Communication and came about this site. Our company’s premise is Honest Communication and we help organizations resolve issues through open, honest communication so they can produce greater results. We do that through our keynotes and training seminars. We also have a bi-weekly ezine that we send out and a lot of great articles that Steven Gaffney has written on topics like eliminating complaining, overcoming fear and having difficult conversations, to name a few. I was wondering if his articles would be something you your site might be interested in show casing? We would send them over in PDF format for free as long as our company contact information would be presented with the article. Please let me know if you would be interested in something like this. Thanks a lot for your time.
Best Regards,
Christina Taylor
Steven Gaffney Company
703-241-7796
www.stevengaffney.com
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