“Microsoft Corp., which has amassed an unparalleled cash hoard of nearly $60 billion from its world-dominating software business, announced recently that it would return a large chunk of it to shareholders…the company will pay out more than $32 billion in that one stroke, pending approval of the plan by shareholders.” (zwire.com)

But wait a minute, didn’t they just two weeks ago send a memo around saying they needed to cut $1 billion? According to this article, among those feeling the budgetary heat will be the company’s marketing and event planning departments.

The irony is killing me.

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I’m one of those people who always gets lost in a mall, but I usually do OK when I’m in a city. Unless it’s Boston. No matter how many times I drive around bean town, I always manage to end up on a one-way street to nowhere, looking longingly at exactly where I want to end up and knowing “You can’t get there from here” (said with a Maine accent). That’s why I found this article on the most difficult cities to navigate to be so gratifying–I’m not alone.

“according to a recent study conducted by “Best Places to Live” expert, Bert Sperling, Boston is America’s “most challenging city to navigate”, followed closely by Washington D.C. (2), San Francisco (3), Baltimore (4) and New York (5)*.

So if you do a drive-in meeting to one of these spots, consider sending really, really good directions!

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Pharmaceutical companies can’t pay to fly doctors in for educational meetings, but they can provide “scholarships” for local politician events, according to this article.

“What’s also troubling to clean-government advocates is that most of the legislators’ expenses are covered by scholarships from ALEC. The group paid 19 Wisconsin lawmakers more than $32,000 in 2003 to attend their meetings, according to economic interest statements legislators filed with the state Ethics Board. Wisconsin legislators will receive expense reimbursements of about $1,000 each for the Seattle conference, Ladwig said, adding that lawmakers will cover any costs above that amount.”

A couple of other things they’re doing for the pols that they can’t do for the docs: “Off hours feature an awards banquet that includes a concert by the Commodores and a golf tournament.”

But wait, the article goes on: “Under state ethics laws, legislators generally may not accept meals, lodging or transportation from lobbyists or organizations that employ them. If legislators can show that such gifts benefit the state as a whole rather than themselves personally, they can take them.”

Oh, give me a break.

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It’s easy to eat poorly when on the road, but here’s food for thought for the next time you reach for the Golden Arches: You’ll have to walk 9.5 miles to burn off all the calories from one Big Mac Meal. I wonder how many trips around the trade show floor that would be…

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That’s the name of one of the songs by Dr. Sam and The Frivolous Action Blues Band, whose CDs would make great giveaways for a physician meeting–or any event whose partipants are into healthcare issues. Physician Sam Bierstock has been entertaining at professional conferences, healthcare meetings, and political events to draw attention to significant healthcare issues since 1996, when he debuted as Dr. Sam and the Managed Care Blues Band.

I haven’t listened to the tunes, but you have to love the titles: “They’ve Got Deep Pockets - Let’s Sue,” “The Jury Consultant’s Blues,” “Fine Print,” and parodies such as “When You Wish to Sue a Star,” “Back Spasm Woman,” and “A Ploy Named Countersue.”

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CNN’s mics caught a little blue language from Don Mischer, who was the executive producer for the DNC, when a handset he was using to urge his people to hurry up with the balloons and confetti was left open to the network.

“Network spokeswoman Edna Johnson said Mischer apparently was unaware, or forgot in the heat of the moment, that CNN had arranged to carry a live feed of his voice from the control room during the balloon drop.

“‘Obviously, had I known that my voice was being broadcast around the world, I would have chosen some other option to deal with my frustration,” a contrite Mischer said in a telephone interview. ‘I just feel terrible about it.’”

While some were probably offended by the profanity, I thought it was a little refreshing to hear someone say something off the cuff for a change.

As CMI pointed out recently, the trend toward companies using preferred vendors is alive and well. To prove the point, pharmaceutical giant Eli Lilly has officially joined the preferred hotels crowd. According to the BTN article: “Major pharmaceutical firm Eli Lilly & Co. during the past 18 months developed, negotiated and implemented a preferred meetings hotel program and mandated its use by internal meeting sponsors. Almost all of the firm’s nearly 1,000 domestic meetings now use one of four preferred chains, allowing the company to negotiate standard contracts with favorable rate, service levels and conditions.”

While it’s probably a boon to the big chains and a money-saver for companies, I can’t help but wonder what this does to the smaller boutique hotels, conference centers, and others who might not be able to win a bid?

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From the latest issue of Corporate Meetings & Incentives: “There are rankings for just about everything these days. Not to be outdone, Old Spice, the Procter & Gamble-owned deodorant manufacturer, has a list of its own–the sweatiest cities in America. El Paso, Texas, known as Sun City, earned top honors this year, followed by Greenville, S.C., and last year’s champ, Phoenix. For winning, El Paso Mayor Joe Wardy was presented with a year’s supply of Old Spice Red Zone antiperspirant.”

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According to this article from Special Events, a survey of U.S.-based corporate marketing executives conducted by the George P. Johnson Co. and the MPI Foundation found that face-to-face events deliver a greater return on investment than other customary marketing tools.

Event marketing was the most popular marketing tool among the survey respondents, with 44% giving it top marks for effectiveness. Advertising ranked second at 18%, followed by direct marketing at 15%, and single-digit marks for public relations, sales promotion, and Internet advertising.

Well, that’s great. But the article also says, “fewer companies expected to devote more dollars to event marketing in the near future. Some marketers are shifting some of their resources to increased investments in Internet advertising and public relations. These choices likely relate to the executives’ concerns for highly measurable results for economical investments.”

I understand that they need to be able to measure results–which is difficult for f2f events–but wouldn’t it make more sense to find ways to measure what works than to try new avenues that haven’t been as effective in the past?

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Sorry to have been so quiet lately. I just spent a lovely, if warm, four-day mini-vacation at my in-laws’ place in Myrtle Beach, S.C. I have to admit that I was a little nervous flying out of Boston the day after the DNC–both for security reasons and for the dread of lines, lines, lines.

Surprise–despite the plethora of people wearing funny hats and red, white, and blue t-shirts, the security line was the shortest I’ve seen it since 9/11. Our flight to Charlotte, N.C., was packed with fleeing delegates, but I was heartened to see two bomb-sniffing dogs and their handlers in the bulkhead seats in first class as I boarded the plane. Put my paranoia right to rest: Even though they were off-duty and heading home, I could see their noses sampling the air as we walked by them.

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